It's been a bit over a year since my surgery, and I'm not fully on my feet, yet. That's frustrating, but I'm still making progress, so it's all good. But I noticed something about a month ago. I watched a news broadcast, and tears began to stream down my face. I am a notorious crier. I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm frustrated, when in the presence of injustice, when proud, when angry. But when I cried that day I realized that, other than for pain, I hadn't done my normal crying for more than a year. I don't know if I was in shock, or if I just held so tightly to my feelings in order not to explode, that I couldn't let myself feel anything. But now...I weep.
I weep for my church. For those who are hurt, for those who are left out, for those who are confused, for those who don't understand, for what we were, for what we are, for what we may be becoming. I weep for school children. Most schools have 180 days in their school year. There are approximately 20 more left. That leaves ~160 days. There have so far been 132 school shootings this school year. That's nearly one per day. How can our children relax and learn when they are always listening for the sound of gunfire, or watching their classmates wondering who will be the next to snap. I weep for our country in which up seems to be down, in is out, good is bad, and everyone lies. Everyone seems to snap at each other without listening, without reading, without checking to see if they are truly understanding what the other meant. I weep for friends and family facing the end of life. Yes, we all die, but for some the end of the journey is known and approaching. I appreciate the grace they, and their families, are showing, but the leaving is difficult, as well as the letting go. Every day something new comes into my space, and I weep. I missed it when it wasn't happening, and yet for now it feels overwhelming.
God who weeps, we know that while incarnate among us you fully understood what it was to live our lives. You felt joy and sorrow, fear and frustration, elation and dejection, loyalty and betrayal, life and death. You have given us emotions and empathy, and yet at times both can be overwhelming. Help us to parse out those things around us with which we can interact and make a difference. Let us feel sorrow, but not be paralyzed by the enormity of the world's needs. Give us the grace we need to share your love with those who need it, and to receive your love when we are the ones in need......Amen